As parents have you observed that your children are hooked on to cell phones most of the times? Has the smart phone become the centre of attraction of your house? Does the phone grab all the attention in the house? Have you snatched a smart phone from your child’s hands and had heated arguments? Do you find your children to be restless and obsessed with smart phones and games? This is a major challenge of the new age parents. In the 90’s gifting a video game to children as a birthday gift or as rewards for achievements was a common thing. These games were restricted to desktops or connected to televisions. With technological transformations, these video games are on our palmtops, tabs and cell phones. Children of the millennium are forced to embrace the harsh effects of technological advances as these gadgets are common to any household either rich or poor.  Emotional wellbeing, cognitive skills, relationships, linguistic skills and physical fitness are all at stake in the technology-driven world. Instead of being a help, this highly transformed device is encouraging obsessions, dependency, addictions and mental distortions. Innocent children fall into the trap of attraction, attention and magnetism of cell phones; colourful images & eye-catching videos added with different attention-grabbing sounds supplemented by the touch screen. Just one device taps all the input sensories. The Visual, Auditory and Kinaesthetic (VAK) which form the crucial part of the human brain as sensory input for perception, imagination, understanding, memory or sequencing, in all cognitive skills are all put at stake when children are exposed to such devices. Engaging long hours on gadgets over-stimulates the brain. This causes hindrance in studying. The mind is high on angst and finds it difficult to soothe down. The major challenges that the mind faces are: Inability to focus and  concentrate Struggles to sustain attention to study activities Feeling restless. They can’t sit in one place for more than a few minutes. Can’t recollect what was studied earlier. (Memory issues mainly due to lack of interest in subject matters.). Over-dependence on the smart phone is nothing but soothing psychological distress. One develops an addiction when there is some psychological motive that hasn’t been fulfilled. Say, for example, loneliness, bullying, or not enjoying interesting/creative work. Playing a particular game lulls you into a distracted state. Regarding soothing those psychological dilemmas, smart phones play a role of a de-stressor. In an age of anxiety, the smart phone is a readily available device that helps soothe this anxiety in an easy way. If your answer to any of the questions below is YES, then it’s time to take some serious action.  Is your pre-teen or teen addictive to video games and social media forums?  Does your child crave for being given the privilege of a smart phone?  Does the child tend to spend most of the time playing games with the smart phone, instead of playing outside?   Is your child struggling with social anxiety, like say making good eye contact or talking to people, etc.? Is your child getting aggressive or abusive (verbally or physically) quite frequently? Are you stuck up with heated arguments with your child more frequently? Are your child’s academic grades going down? Here are some preventive measures towards a change: Set Rules: Together with the child, make rules for your child concerning the usage of smart phones. Set timings for the family as a whole not to indulge in activities involving smart phones. For example, none of the family members will have access to smart phones between 7 p.m. and 10 p.m.  We have limited time to be with our family. Why lose it on gadgets and unproductive activities? Where there is a will; there’s a way: A ray of hope creates a positive environment and increases the scope for improvement. Help your child gain self-confidence. Explain to your child the effects of over usage of gadgets and encourage towards improvements. Instil the word ‘I can’ and the value of commitments. This boosts the self-confidence and enhances a positive self-image for the child.  Help children set Goals of their own: Goals give us a direction in life. It creates a sense of responsibility to achieve desired goals. It provides a direction and thus motivates them to focus and concentrate on the work they do. Don’t hesitate to take professional help to achieve this.  It’s tough to break habits but can be replaced. Identify the strengths and interests of the child and replace the time spent on gadgets with pleasurable activities. Be a vital aid to your child during this transition period. A smooth transition from screen to green is what needs to be done.  Involve the child in creativity-enhancing games. As mentioned in the earlier blog creativity is crucial in the development of tender minds. Enjoy playing with children and help them stay away from spending time with technological devices.  Introduce a pet at home. We are all aware of the proven health benefits of having a pet at home. The child’s bonding with a pet is simply amazing, and the emotions involved bring life to dull days. It uplifts moods and helps mind soothe and be free from any emotional distress. The happiness of having a pet is just immeasurable. Indulge in a much-loved physical activity. Exercise integrates the mind and the body. This amalgamation helps the mind to soothe and deal with anxiety and restlessness. Indulge yourself along with your child in a dearly loved physical activity.  5. Seek for professional help in case of high addictions: Do not hesitate to approach any professional psychologist/ psychotherapist to overcome gadget dependence. There are several psychotherapy techniques that can help deal with the situation. Use your smart phone smartly and let children enjoy the smartness of life. Medha Kedar Tonapi, ‘Health in your Mind’Psychotherapist, Life Coach, Parent Coach.

Hello Parents! Good parenting needs more than intellect. We give our children all the knowledge that we have. But at the same time are we making them aware about feelings that we as adults share? A child’s emotions are developing along with his other physical developments. Infants have a very high level of emotions in them. They are highly expressive. Emotional Quotient/Intelligence is a common word used in parenting. So how does emotional intelligence look like in our everyday life? As an individual how does it help me or make me a better parent? Let’s find out. When your child solves a detailed mathematical problem, there are two parts to it. The part where he uses his intelligence to understand the concept and apply the solution is drawn from IQ. However, the part where he needs to display the necessary patience to practice and keep up the interest levels repeatedly involves EQ. As parents we are mostly concerned about the IQ of our children; how well they perform in academics, sports or any other competitive exams, and run towards winning each race. What we fail to see are the emotions that a child goes through during the race. Thus, Intelligence Quotient is the ability of a person to think while Emotional Quotient is the ability of a person to feel. Thoughts and feelings are the roots of our behaviour and actions, which eventually build our character and personality. A combination of a good IQ and a good EQ determines the success of a child. “Family life is our first school for emotional learning,” writes Daniel Goleman, Psychologist and Author of Emotional Intelligence. As parents we are the most intimate person to our children and so have the responsibility to identify their innermost feelings. Observing and understanding the emotions of our children help children understand their own emotions. Each child is unique with his own strengths and improvement areas. The practice of emotional coaching has proved to be vital for the holistic development of a child. And the results of such a practice are quite pleasant. Parents who use an emotional coaching style (as against impulsive and unplanned one), see a marked difference in the behaviour and attitude of their children. Even after emotion-coaching, kids can get sad, angry or afraid under certain circumstances. But now they will be better able to deal with such emotions, bounce back from the disturbance and carry on with normal activities. They become emotionally intelligent. Another surprising discovery from research has to do with fathers. Studies found that when fathers adopt an Emotion-Coaching style of parenting, it has an extremely positive impact on their children’s emotional development helping their kids develop into healthier, more successful adults. When fathers become aware of their kids’ feelings and help them solve problems, children do better both in studies and in relationships with others. In contrast, an emotionally distant father, who is harsh, critical or dismissive of his children’s emotions, can have a deeply negative impact. Such kids usually do poorly in school, fight more with friends and have poor health. This emphasis on fathers does not mean that a mother’s involvement doesn’t affect children’s emotional intelligence. The effects of mother’s interactions with her children are also significant. But studies reveal that a father’s influence is much more extreme, whether that effect is good or bad. The process of Emotional Coaching helps parents too: You become aware of your child’s emotion Realise that their emotion is an opportunity for intimacy and teaching You listen with empathy and validate the child’s feelings Help the child find words to label his emotion and Set limits while exploring strategies to solve the problem at hand   Effects of Emotional Coaching Children whose parents consistently practice Emotional Coaching have: Better physical health and score higher academically. Such kids get along better with friends, have fewer behaviour problems, and are less prone to acts of violence. Overall, children who are Emotion-Coached experience fewer negative feelings and more positive feelings.   Let’s explore the best ways to emotion-coach our children.   As parents, we can demonstrate healthy ways of expressing our own emotions Listen, nod your head, and use short comments to get them to continue talking. Make eye contact and pay attention. As your child grows, help them to understand different emotions and why people react to certain circumstances. Enact and show expressions during story telling. Avoid criticisms and negative comments.   Different ways to raise an Emotionally Intelligent Child Model EI yourself. Have a better understanding of yourself, your interpersonal and intrapersonal emotions. Do not hesitate to take any kind of professional help for further understanding. Start coaching your child at an early age. Emotions are inbuilt for children right from the womb. The earlier you make your child aware of his feelings and other feelings the better understanding the child will have, and thus cooperative learning is built. Get kids involved in household duties at an early age. This helps in shaping a personality and helps them understand the importance of each work and thus learn the strategies of cooperative living. Be willing to say “NO” to your child. They understand that negative emotions like sadness and disappointments are a natural part of life experiences. This helps them build sportsmanship qualities too. Limit the child’s access to mass media mania. Mass media over-stimulates the brain and thus we see a lot of children facing challenges like restlessness, poor concentration, less attention span, etc. Talk about feelings as a family. Each one of us has feelings embedded deep inside us. Expressing them helps in understanding others and the challenges they face. Parents who talk out their feelings with their children will see them develop a similar pattern of thought. They will learn to talk and think in a more sophisticated way. If parents express emotions and feelings, their children will learn that it’s all right to do the same.   Emotion-Coaching, the best parenting tool for smooth and successful parenting! Medha Kedar

“Spend enough quality time with your kid”. How many times have we not heard of this advice from parenting experts? Yet again, how exactly and why such a thing is important is hardly discussed. In a competition-driven world, we already want our child to know and learn way too much. But how much of that is done consciously? How much of that is done merely to “meet some formalities”? The answer to these questions can help us exercise conscious parenting.    But first, a quick dip into the biology of the brain. The human brain is made up of  billions of nerve cells with countless interconnecting pathways. Through an elaborate and complex network, the brain  1.    Can store experiences 2.    Solve problems  3.    Has a capability of imagination, reasoning and decision making. Science tells us that the right kind of experiences in the early years can help a child’s brain grow. And this can affect how they continue to learn later on in life.  Growing children are full of enthusiasm, curiosity and energy. If they get a nurturing environment throughout the crucial growing-up period, they develop into winners.  Just as good food and exercise can help our bodies grow, good and early experiences can help our brains grow. Even before babies can walk and talk, their brainpower starts developing. Evidence suggests us that success in life, health and emotional wellbeing find their roots in early childhood. We know that if we get it right in the early years, we can expect to see children succeed throughout school and their adult lives. As parents we observe the physical developments of children, and many times we tend to ignore the development signs in emotional and cognitive areas. Life is a collection of experiences. An experience can be either a positive or a negative experience, and this depends on the way the experience is perceived. Positive experiences give immense morale-boosting while negative experiences give a lot of learning experiences. A child’s mind is just like a sponge. Every new word they learn, every new behaviour they adopt translates into an experience and thus shapes learning for a lifetime. These early childhood experiences are the foundation for the development of an intellectually sharp and an emotionally strong child. 5 Steps to create a rich and stimulating experience for children. 1. Invest a lot of time with your child. Spending enough quality time with your child gives the right opportunity to share your experiences with your child. 2. Talk to your child. Talking to your child gives you an entry into the child’s inner world and helps you understand the thoughts and feelings of the child. 3. Introduce your child to a healthy habit of reading. The reading along with your child enriches the experiences of the child. 4. Play it up. A play is an important vehicle for developing self-regulation and promoting language, cognition, and social competence. 5. Children grow best when they have secure relationships. Having a strong bonding helps in strengthening the emotional quotient. Conscious parenting calls for a careful designing of experiences for children. The benefits of such an exercise are many including – a smooth transition to school, better learning outcomes, better health and in all a better education. Medha Kedar Tonapi, ‘Health in your Mind’Psychotherapist, Life Coach, Parent Coach.

Crush! Infatuations! Love! Joyful words Right? Run down your memory lanes and recollect your first crush! I am sure you still get Goosebumps!  So now your teen has started noticing and taking an interest in the opposite sex, and you are worried about how to deal with it. Many questions might be haunting you as to how to explain to your child: What exactly is a ‘CRUSH’? How long a crush last for? Is it time for us to hit the panic button? With the effect of Globalisations and modernisations, children are exposed to various culture and ethnicity. Things which were forbidden earlier have become casual today. A Crush can have positive impacts or put down a child with negative experiences. Parents need to be cautious to understand situations. Teenage Crush is a common phenomenon. Most of us had experienced these feelings when we were young.  Times were different then. We hardly expressed our thoughts and feelings back then.  During my interactions with my clients, I come across such cases where parents are more concerned about the changing behaviour of the child. Raj, a grade 9 student, was suspended from school for two weeks as he was caught talking to a girl in an isolated place. Rashmi, a grade 7 student, maintains a secret diary and parents are over curious to explore it while she doesn’t agree to share with them. Gautam, grade 11 student, finds it difficult to concentrate and expresses anxiousness. Such feelings are common for both boys and girls. There are no separate rules for boys and girls. Several psychotherapy techniques are available that can help parents and children to deal with such situations.  Attitude adjustment Most of us dislike the word homework. Even in our childhood, the word homework haunted us. Right! Now the again after a few years this word homework still makes space for itself in our mind. Remember, spending some with your child with his homework isn’t something irritating, but revision for your child to practice, learn and revise what is being taught in school. With the help of a positive attitude, we can set a positive platform for learning new skills and establishing a healthy habit of study.  Identify the problem Probe further if there are any issues as to why the child is reluctant to do the activity. Ask a few questions to understand the school atmosphere or the reasons for lack of interest. Address the issue and help the child overcome the challenges. Offer assistance to help the child to carry books as per school timetable and maintain up to date class work books. Show your eagerness to help your child in maintaining his study table and room. Ensure you don’t label your child as messy, untidy or lazy. Instead use encouraging and positive words. Schools usually update the homework topics through messages or emails nowadays. Keep yourself updated. Begin the study with a mind full activity. A smooth transition from play to study helps the child to slide to a peaceful state of mind before studies. Indulge in a form of a peaceful mind exercise include a mild and soothing music in the background. This helps the over stimulated brain nerves to soothes the ripples in the mind. A calm mind is ready for studying.   Encourage Smart Study and not hard study or hardly study Make use of prompts/ pluck cards to inform kids about study time or practice time. These prompts act as strong messages to the mind and help be aligned and focused on the plans. Make studying interesting; for boring subjects read it in different accents like American accent, German accent or the Arabic accent etc to add some humour and ease memorising. Ensure you make use of different techniques of mind maps, visualisations, memory, etc. that can help children understand the concepts and hence create immense interests. Meet a professional for further guidance.  Build Confidence and self assertions: For subjects which the child finds it difficult or uninteresting help the child build confidence that he can do it. Positive affirmations act as strong messages to the brain and aids in understanding the concepts and learning. Fix up a study time and avoid rescheduling: mind likes to be a routine. And a simple practice for 21 days mind is fixed with routine. Ritually following the routine helps the mind to adjust accordingly. Choose a time for homework and ritually stick to this routine.  Reinforce the efforts of the child Ensure that you appreciate the efforts of the child and not the child alone. An effort, when acknowledged, works wonders with the child. Maintain a healthy reward system which can be with tangible like any favourite dish or a garden outing or intangible things like an appreciative gesture. Homework is a must! They act as revisions, practice and keep yourself updated.  Help the child complete his work by using non-verbal cues, gestures and smart study techniques. Once in a while if a child wants to skip his study time its ok but don’t show it to the child. Mildly admonish; keeping continuous nagging, arguments and disruptive environments away. Medha Kedar Tonapi, ‘Health in your Mind’Psychotherapist, Life Coach, Parent Coach.

Accept it! You love festivals and holidays associated with it. Kids are eager to enjoy their midterm break while celebrating festivals. Festival time is fast arriving; let’s see how easily and happily we can use this opportunity to impart values and culture to our children. Leading a hectic lifestyle in metropolitan cities, festivals come in as a reason to rejuvenate and prepare for celebrations. The enthusiasm of the festivals attracts the children and makes them eagerly wait for it. The tender minds seek for memorable and enjoyable life experiences, and festivals are a source of enriching experiences.  Festivals: What they mean •    Harmony, happiness and joy •    Staying in touch with traditions and culture •    Opportunity for Creativity •    A break from monotony in life •    Lovely food! Yummy •    Build social relations •    Values that form a significant part of the upbringing Ideas to explore: Bring out the child in you during festive times. The curious eye of a child is an intrinsic motivation in one’s life. Recollect your childhood days and your festive experiences. Share them with your children. Believe me; kids love to hear about your childhood.  Plan your celebration ideas. Ensure you involve children in the planning process. List out the things to do, things to buy, things to arrange, etc., and encourage children to bring up innovative ideas to execute them. Do delegate some of your work to them. A sense of responsibility prevails. Prepare a menu list for the festive day. Every Indian festival has a special dish associated. Collectively decide on what is to be prepared and get started. Food is an excellent mood enhancer. Good food and mood together bring in the happiest moments in life. Get playful with colours. Colourful clothes are yet another attraction for festivals. Do pick up some traditional outfits for your little ones. Also DIY some accessories. Creativity takes a front seat and makes way for some fun experiences. Build innovation in your traditions: Festivals trigger the creativity within us. With bubbling ideas from the tender minds bring in innovations to cheer. In the last festival of Ganesha, some families created Sugarcane Ganapathi, Beetle Nut Ganapathi, Chocolate Ganapathi, etc. Trigger your thoughts and bring about innovations to add grace to your festive moments. Creative Kites… Engage in traditional games: Discover the games associated with some festivals. This will add charm to your festive vibes and build in everlasting bond in the family. Gilli-Danda, Kites, Chaupar, Kancha, Tying Swing to trees, Pallanguli, & so on. Involve your child in a storytelling session: Each festival has a mythological story to backup. Read them aloud to children. Apart from instilling values and morals, the story narration triggers the imaginations and stimulates the sensories which help in building up brain stamina. Rich experiences build strong memory lanes and have an everlasting positive experience. Enact and roleplay some of these stories.  Speak to your child about his future plans. Make good use of this relaxed time to discuss with your child about his interests and future plans. A peaceful state of mind builds a roadmap for future endeavours. Harp on this opportunity and help him set goals for himself. Design some short-term goals and some long-term goals for him. A sense of motivation prevails.  Introduce your child to new concepts of learning: During holidays a sense of idleness and lethargy tries to dominate the mind. To make the best use of such long breaks, introduce your children to activity-based workshops which help them hone and learn new skills and focus on their improvement areas. Such workshops help the child understand and create a sense of Self Awareness. Eventually, they return to school with great enthusiasm and stories of holidays and festivals to share with “NEW ME”.  A little effort and creativity from you during festivals and holidays will introduce them to the traditions, values that are dear to you, and hope that these values will be passed on to the next generation. Make it Active, funny and festive! After all isn’t what these festivals are for? Let’s make the best use of holy-days.! Medha Kedar Tonapi, ‘Health in your Mind’Psychotherapist, Life Coach, Parent Coach.

Self esteem is how we value and perceive ourselves. It is a judgement on our selves. Having very less beliefs on our selves   can hinder our life styles and slow down our growth process. Self-esteem can be defined as a combination of feeling loved and capable With a balanced Self-esteem one can have a happy and successful life in all aspects, be it school life, relationships, academics, Family, profession, etc. Self-esteem fluctuates as a child grows. It is frequently changed and fine-tuned, as it is affected by a child’s experiences and new perceptions. As parents we need to observe our children and through their behaviour and mannerisms we can understand what the child is experiencing.  It helps parents to be aware of the signs of both healthy and unhealthy self-esteem. Signs of Healthy and Unhealthy Self-Esteems A child who has healthy self-esteem tends to enjoy interacting with others. His comforts in social settings, easy mingling, enthusiasms and different interests exhibit the healthy state of mind.  When challenges arise, child is able to work toward finding solutions. When a child knows his/her strengths and limitations, and accepts them. A sense of optimism prevails. A child who is happy with his/her achievements but does not feel loved may eventually experience low self-esteem. Likewise, a child who feels loved but is hesitant about his/her own abilities can also end up feeling poorly about himself. Healthy self-esteem results when both aspects are achieved.A child who has healthy self-esteem tends to enjoy interacting with others. Child’s comfortable in social settings and enjoys group activities as well as independent pursuits. Child’s willing to pursue new interests. When challenges arise, child is able to work toward finding solutions. Child knows her strengths and weaknesses (improvements), and accepts them. A sense of optimism prevails. A child who has unhealthy self-esteem may not want to try new things. He frequently speaks negatively about himself, saying such things as, “I’ll never learn how to do this,” or “What’s the point? Nobody cares about me anyway.” He exhibits a low tolerance for frustration, giving up easily or waiting for someone else to take over. Children with low self-esteem see temporary setbacks as permanent and intolerable conditions, in part because these setbacks seem like a pattern to them. Children with low self-esteem may not expect much from others, such as invitations to do things together. A sense of pessimism predominates. Some symptoms of low self esteem are: Feeling hopeless Sensitivity to criticism. Social withdrawal. Hostility. Aggressive Blaming yourself unfairly Hating yourself Worrying about being unable to do things. Excessive preoccupation with personal problems. Physical symptoms such as fatigue, insomnia and headaches. Can parents help the child deal with this? Yes! Off course! Here are some guidelines that can make a big difference: Watch what you say. Children are very sensitive to teacher’s words. Remember to praise your child not only for a job well done, but also for their effort. But be truthful. For example, if your child doesn’t make the sports team, avoid saying something like, “Well, next time you’ll work harder and make it.” Instead, say something like, “Well, you didn’t make the team, but I’m really proud of the effort you put into it.” Reward effort and completion instead of outcome.  Be a positive role model. If you are excessively harsh on yourself, pessimistic or unrealistic about your abilities and limitations, your child may eventually mirror you. Nurture your own self-esteem, and your child will have a great role model. If something bad happens, don’t make general negative statements about others, such as, “People are mean” or “You can’t count on anybody.” Your child may not realize that your statements are stronger than how you really feel.  Identify and redirect your child’s inaccurate beliefs. As you observe your child, understand his/her beliefs. When you find more of negative belief statements coming up, make note of them and redesign them towards positivity. A child who is not good with spellings, but reads the words correctly, sometimes may say, “I’m no good at dictations. I always end up doing mistakes.” Not only is this a false generalization, it’s also a belief that will set him up for failure. Encourage the child to see the situation in its true light. A helpful response might be, “Your efforts are appreciable and you can surely do well in your dictations. We’ll work on it together.”  Be spontaneous and affectionate with your child. Love and affection mean a lot to children. Your care for the child will go a long way to boost the child’s self-esteem. Tell them you’re proud of them. Give praise frequently and honestly, without overdoing it. Kids can tell whether something comes from the heart.  Give positive, accurate feedback. A comment such as, “You always messy,” may cause a child to start believing it. A better statement is, “I noticed you miss to bring some of your books to school. Do pack your bag at night so that you don’t miss any of them. This encourages the child   to recollect instructions and decide to implement them again next time.  Help your child become involved in constructive experiences. Activities that encourage cooperation rather than competition are especially helpful in fostering self-esteem. For example, mentoring programs in which an older child helps a younger one practice an activity can do wonders for both children. If one child is preparing for a completion involve the other child too in the preparation and practice. Keep an encouraging and positive house environment. Eliminate any silly sibling fights and have a calm and composed background. A sense of responsibility and bonding is built up among the siblings. Consider professional help. If you find a child has low self-esteem, he may benefit from talking with a professional. Don’t hesitate to meet a professional as low self esteem, if not dealt in time many lead to several other complications in life. Medha Kedar Tonapi, ‘Health in your Mind’Psychotherapist, Life Coach, Parent Coach.

Dussehra or Vijayadashmi, a popular Hindu festival is celebrated all over India.  It is believed that on this day Lord Rama killed the demon King Ravana and rescued his abducted wife, Sita. This day symbolises the victory of good over evil. Dussehra is observed differently in different parts of the country depending on the legend believed in each region.  Nuclear families, away from ancestral homes coupled with fast-paced lifestyles, at times keep us away from following our age-old traditions and festivals. And the questions that usually arise: Are we Celebrating Festivals, the Right Way with our Children? Are we engrossed in ourselves and preoccupied most of the times? Are our children deviating from our traditions, cultures and festivals? Parents, pause for a moment and ponder for a while! Festivals are the best time to impart cultural values to children. If the deeper meaning and significance of each festival is not revealed to the child, they will grow up not realising the true meaning and may follow tradition blindly and not wholeheartedly. Imbibing traditional and cultural values in a child’s mind is a vital aspect of parenting. With every passing year, we can tell our children the different and varied cultures across the country and the globe at large. Children in India can celebrate Halloween too, with Dussehra and Diwali. Similarly, the western countries also host a lot of festivals followed by the eastern countries.  The uniqueness about Celebrating Festivals is that  •    It promotes an understanding and acceptance of other cultures, rituals, traditions. On an earth where intolerance and religious disputes are ubiquitous, explaining children about different cultures and their festivals help build a more peaceful world.  •    It is not just about the rituals we follow, but also the history and the values associated with each festival. •    Following our rituals and festivals are simple ways to ensure children become responsible society members, moral values are imbibed swiftly. The history and legend surrounding the celebrations are a great source of value building which kids will pick up. Namely: Honesty        Loyalty Respect        Self-reliance Discipline        Patience Kindness        Gratitude Forgiveness       Sharing Courtesy        Empathy Like Diwali is a festival of Lights, Holi is a festival of colours; Dussera is a festival of Victory. The celebrations of this festival express freedom, sovereignty or Independence. In today’s world we might not be ruled by invaders or colonised, but humans have enslaved themselves to specific misbehaviours or negative emotions. Fighting with the enemies within us is a huge wrestle each one us of stumble upon. Being victorious in defeating our negative emotions can help us be a better person/ a better parent. In turn, children also pick up skills of managing emotions. Affirmations act as a vital tool to deal with negative emotions. Affirmations are strong messages to our mind. They are positive statements that help you to challenge and overcome self-sabotaging and negative thoughts. When you repeat them often and believe in them, you can start to make positive changes.    Here are 10 Affirmations for this Festive Season for Victory over evil thoughts, feelings or behaviours: 1.    I am free from anger and let the joys of life flow through me.  2.    I stay away from Judging People. 3.    I am free from all my Grudges. 4.    I forgive myself and everyone. 5.    I accept myself and every one as they are. 6.    I love myself and everyone fully and unconditionally. 7.    I let go all my feelings of Jealousy & Guilt. 8.    I set free all my Fears. 9.    I offer Gratitude for all the things I have and all which I will get. 10. There is an abundance of love and affection in the universe for all. Ensure that you take professional help while dealing with negative emotions. They help you in understanding the challenges you face and design and customise affirmations as per requirements. Don’t hesitate to meet a professional and do consider professional help. Festivals are essential for all of us and special for children as they teach about how to live in a community and celebrate and share each other’s happiness. They show us how to share with the less fortunate and be thankful for our blessings. Festivals can help us teach empathy and kindness to children, while also enhancing their knowledge and understanding of different cultures and communities. Medha Kedar Tonapi, ‘Health in your Mind’Psychotherapist, Life Coach, Parent Coach.

It’s quite evident that one, who manages his Money Matters well, succeeds in life. Money management is the backbone for the success of any person, corporate or nation at large. Money management has to be taught to the children consciously. It is an excellent decision making skill. In the current scenario, we are all aware that our rupee is fighting for its existence. Are we doing our bit towards helping our Rupee breath on its own? As responsible parents are we enriching our children’s mind with the right value systems towards money?  Value seeding is a vital part of conscious parenting and value for money is an essential aspect of raising independent children.  Over the years, as a nation, our spending culture has been restructured. Traditional theories of economics explained the power of savings while modern approaches emphasise the functioning of an economy through spending.  With this transition, there have been many conflicts within the families. The generation gap speaks this loud.  In the modern day lifestyle,  •    Daily routine things are readily available, •    They have an abundant supply of these products. Mass supply has taken the          Front seat. •    A large Variety of things are available •    Too many choices are available for just one need. To add to this plastic money, excessive use of credit cards and online shopping, etc. has taken away the control over our expenses. Transactions with banks are also confined to Net banking. Most of the transactions are done on our palm tops through mobiles. In this scenario, it is quite challenging for parents to introduce the Financial Quotient in their children. Children understand basic maths concepts as early as 2 to 3 years. When they are 5 to 6 years, they develop the cognitive skills necessary to understand basic monetary concepts, such as: •    identifying coins notes •    counting them, •    differentiating and categorising them,  •    Things they want to buy and match with the money they have Apart from acquainting kids with the basics of economics, money lessons have many other benefits. Researchers Say, “If youngsters can learn how to spend wisely and delay gratification, they will develop patience and planning skills in other aspects of their lives.” Let’s explore some ways how we as parents, can induce and trigger the Financial Quotient in the tender minds of our children. 1. Explain how money works. Children are curious to know many things. When at an ATM, have you heard children asking their parents “do ATM’s print money?” “Does god put money in the ATM?” “Do elder’s blessings convert into money in ATM’s?” Innocent questions from children are fun to hear and cherish. At the same time, it is our privilege to help children understand facts. Explain in simple logic, how money is created, available for us to spend on things we need. Describe how money is earned. Tell them in detail about your profession, the kind of work you do. Explain the different occupations and the earnings associated.  2. Involve your child in your shopping for groceries. As early as possible, right from planning and making a list of things to buy do encourage being a part in the buying process. Talk to your child about the things you need and why. Take him/her to the shopping mall/ store. Ensure he/she helps in choosing stuff as per the list you’ll collectively put together earlier. Help him read the price of each item and also the expiry date. If your child chooses an attractive thing, firstly ask whether the thing is a necessity. Explain the extra cost involved. Help him to evaluate whether he needs to spend money on it or he can do with an existing alternative. Help the child understand the difference between want and need. 3. Be an ideal Role Model. I always mention that Children are excellent imitators. They pick up skills from family. Children follow the actions from parents. If your child witnesses that you are splurging on unnecessary things it’s easy for him to pick the same. Your child must be able to look onto you as a person who saves hard-earned money and is not a spendthrift. Keep your monetary tasks organised and make sure you never nag about money in front of your kids. 4. Maintain an expense dairy. Help children have an expense diary of their own. For example, expenses on stationary, toys etc. every time they buy stationary ensure that they write it down in their expense diary. At the end of the month have an analysis and help the child to make a note of the total expenses. Similarly, an annual expenses analysis can be done.   5. Involve your child in setting monetary goals. While setting goals for yourself and your family for the whole year, involve your child. Leisure goals, holiday goals and the costs involved can be discussed as a family as a whole. Introduce your savings goals. With the analysis of the expense diary, help the child as to which expenses can be cut down or replaced. This analysis can aid in setting goals for the next month or year. As they grow, have a bank account of their own. Encourage them to go to banks for enquiries and deposits. A sense of responsibility prevails. 6. Explain the difference between reality and fiction. The TV commercials easily influence children. The jingles and the visuals are enough to kick in the idea that they need a product. Help them see the reality. E.g. packaged foods. Explain to them the harsh realities of packed food. Help them not to venture into impulsive buying, induced buying, etc.  7. Don’t hesitate to appreciate your child whenever he exhibits proper money mannerisms. Encourage their innovative ideas. Do implement the proposed idea if feasible.  8. In simple terms tell them a current scenario of our economy. Explain to them the value of our Rupee as against the Dollar. Talk about the reasons for the depreciation

It’s incredible that life changes quickly, and it’s positive if you let it. Children grow up quickly, and in these growing years, they tend to pick up skills, behaviours, mannerisms from the environment around them.  Commit to your memory that your children learn by example. If you wish to see a change in them, you must be that change, and you can start today. Parents are life transformers, hope creators and an intrinsic motivator, a child can have.  As parents, raising the alarm at the right time is much essential. Your observations lead to a better understanding of the child’s feelings, emotions and behaviour. Psychologists say any change you wish to make in your lifestyle, give it a try for 21 days. The day you decide to make changes in your approach, make it your goal statement and implement the same for the next three weeks. Consistency is the most important ingredient here.   Implementing new tools in your home can be a vital aid to bring in the desired changes. Below mentioned are a few techniques that can help you in bringing about a positive change while dealing with your children:   Techniques that can help you in bringing about a positive change while dealing with your children: 1. Create a mission statement. Sit together as a family and ask your children one by one  What is essential for them?  Write down all their thoughts and desires.  Also mention to them what is expected from them. List them out too.  Read them aloud together.  Put the collective list up on a board.  You might find that everyone wants some of the same things. By doing this, you are creating your essential family values. One can refer to it whenever someone may need a reminder. Offer them help when ever required. Trust me; you will be experiencing true teamwork! A sample list of House Hold Chores Shoes on the rack     Study table clean     Homework to do List Uniform at its place Books arranged according to timetable     Revision to do List Lunch boxes washed Clothes organised in cupboard Exam planning Schedule 2. Response v/s Reaction. The choice of how to respond to a situation is something that lies within us. As parents, we usually get irritated and impatient while juggling with many things at the same time. When we choose to be reactive, we instantly create distance or a gap between our children and us. By “Reacting,” I mean scolding, yelling orders, lecturing or using corporal punishments. Such behaviour leads to a dysfunctional family dynamics. Children usually don’t respond well to such behaviours from parents; they show up unhealthy responses like not cooperating or getting aggressive. Such children grow up to be adults with a lot of emotional issues. Self-esteem of the child is the most affected in such cases. While Responding is to take 100% responsibility for yourself and choose to rise above the problem. Talk to your children; listen to them, allow them to express their thoughts, respect their feelings, without being judgemental. You set a platform for respect in service to re-connecting with them. A sense of respect prevails. We model good behaviour when we respond kindly but firmly. This helps us set healthy boundaries. Trust me! Your children will respect you more. 3. Make Agreements. We usually have too many expectations from our life.  Children find it difficult to understand our expectations. They don’t know what we expect unless we clearly mention to them. Repeated instructions, continuous nagging is something children stop responding.  Dominance is not accepted even by children. An effective way to motivate your children to follow the rules is by making agreements.  Discuss with your children and go over the lists made earlier. Make agreements together in which they get to do all their favourite things as long as they comply with the agreement.  4. Listen. Actually, listen! The best thing we can offer to our children is to listen as they express their feelings. When you hear, you are automatically introduced to what is happening around them. As parents, we usually give a lot of advice which eventually pushes children away When you listen without trying to fix anything you decide to take a view of the situation. You will notice that the child will be more receptive to your response and will be more open to sharing things with you. With just listening to them they will feel acknowledged rather than criticised. All children need is to be heard as they express their feelings. Ensure you maintain a proper eye contact with your child while listening to him. Run down your memory lanes and recollect when you were a kid and how you felt when your parents listened to your opinions. You now have a golden opportunity to choose the right way to have a close connection along with your child by being a good listener. 5. Create an emotional bank account and make regular deposits : Regular deposits mean creating life experiences. Being with children and doing things that they enjoy the most, regularly, will create rich and memorial life experiences. Make time out of your schedules. Let them know you are keen to be with them and look forward to it! And, this is important — make sure you do what you say! Don’t make promises you won’t be able to keep.  Deposits can be as simple as watching a TV show that you all like, taking your children for movies, having ice cream, going for a bike ride, cooking together.  It’s all about consistency and accountability.  The more you show your presence for them the more they will feel the importance in your life and would want to spend more time with you. Make sure that you appreciate your child for improvements towards the desired change. Don’t hesitate to appreciate in public but ensure that you choose closed doors to reprimand your child. Choose to have a great relationship with them now, while you still can! Medha Kedar Tonapi, ‘Health

Movies are a welcome break. Ask infants and children below the age of 6 years if they feel the same! With an increasing number of cinema halls, malls in the city, it is now much easier to watch a movie. Being a parent to a newborn or a young child means some sacrifices have to be made and going to a movie theatre is one of them. Being a responsible parent is to put the safety and well-being of the baby above everything else. Going to the movie theatre with small kids should be put on hold for 5 – 6 years. In my previous articles I have mentioned that a movie outing can help a parent child bonding in many ways. While in this article I am highlighting the harshness of talking a young child (below the age of 6 years) to a movie theatre.  Quite often in movie theatres I have seen couples with their infants or toddlers at the cinema halls and wonder what are these parents trying to do. Neither they nor others in the movie hall are able to enjoy the movie being played! Recently I was at a mall to watch a latest movie. There were at least 10 parents with children less than 6 years of age. Close to 5% of the people in the movie mall were parents with children below the age of 6 years.  Have you ever wondered what the child is going through the movie?  Have you ever thought what the child might be experiencing? We might have seen children misbehaving at a mall. Have you ever wondered why the child ill is behaved? We have usually got out the situation labeling the child as stubborn, cranky or ever disturbing. Have you ever seen a mall or a movie theatre from a child’s point of view? What might be his thoughts or feelings when out at a new atmosphere? Does he feel comfortable? For a child his comfort zone is his home, his parents’ arms, his grandparents company, his play home. Movie theatres can wait for a few years. Here are a few things that need to be highlighted to parents of young children before they take their child to a movie theatre:​ Assuming that the baby will sleep through the movie is a misperception. The high decibel noise from the speakers and the light from the movie screen can scare the child and cause significant damage to the baby during its early development stages. The decibel levels in the theatre are extremely high to damage tender eardrums. Movie theatres have around 110 to 115-decibel levels whereas 60 to 70 is a usual conversation decibel level.  Just have a thought what is it that you are exposing the child to.  Parents need to emphasize that they would be putting their baby’s health at risk as the atmosphere inside the theatre is full of germs (many people cough or sneeze at a cinema hall) exposing them to infections when their immunity is yet to be built. The AC is in full swing, inside the theatre which usually is not suitable for the Child. Also be aware of what food are you offering your child when at the cinema hall. Due to security reasons, many malls do not permit food or water to be carried in the cinema hall. If you intend to feed the child with the things available at the food counters please be cautious with what are you offering your child.   Usually, it has been noticed that; children often cry in a movie theaters. Then either of the parents will have to accompany the baby out of the theatre and will disturb the whole pleasure of watching the movie and the whole purpose of going to the cinema for entertainment is defeated. Others in the cinema mall are also disturbed and some people don’t mind expressing their displeasure and hence a situation of embarrassment is created. It’s good to enjoy movies at home when your child is young enough. With the technology enhancing we can easily watch a movie at home at our convenience with desirable decibel level.  After all parenting is all about keeping the child’s requirements at first! Medha Kedar Tonapi, ‘Health in your Mind’Psychotherapist, Life Coach, Parent Coach.